While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock.

(a) How much did you make last year? (b) How much have you got left? (c) Send (b).

I had my credit card stolen, but I didn't report it because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.

Things could be much worse. I could be one of my creditors.

I wish my son would learn a trade. At least we'd know what kind of work he's out of.