If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.

I saw a startling sight today, a politician with his hands in his own pockets .

Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.

You can't break a bad habit by throwing it out the window. You've got to walk it slowly down the stairs.

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.

Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least .

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.