The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

Do something everyday that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company .

The secret of getting ahead is getting started

College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.

Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.