Humor e Ironia

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity.

You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these twenty years at least.

There can't be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

I’d like to live as a poor man, with lots of money.

A man learns to skate by staggering about making a fool of himself; indeed, he progresses in all things by making a fool of himself.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography.

Nobody ever died of laughter.

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.

If children grew up according to early indications, we should have nothing but geniuses.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.

Children are innocent and love justice, while most adults are wicked and prefer mercy.

He that has no fools, knaves nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning handsprings or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glowworm.

If a government commission had worked on the horse, you would have had the first horse that could operate its knee joint in both directions. The only trouble is it couldn’t have stood up.

Democracy means that if the doorbell rings in the early hours, it is likely to be the milkman.

The saving grace of America lies in the fact that the overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities—a sense of humor and a sense of proportion.

Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Wit ought to be a glorious treat, like caviar. Never spread it about like marmalade.