Humor e Ironia

If all the year were playing holidays, To sport would be as tedious as to work.

GOLF IS A GAME IN WHICH YOU CAN CLAIM THE PRIVILEGES OF AGE AND RETAIN THE PLAYTHINGS OF CHILDHOOD.

THERE IS ONE THING MORE EXASPERATING THAN A WIFE WHO CAN COOK AND WON’T, AND THAT’S A WIFE WHO CAN’T COOK AND WILL.

Coffee in England always tastes like a chemistry experiment.

A TAVERN IS A PLACE WHERE MADNESS IS SOLD BY THE BOTTLE.

No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkenness – or so good as drink.

CHUMPS ALWAYS MAKE THE BEST HUSBANDS… ALL THE UNHAPPY MARRIAGES COME FROM THE HUSBANDS HAVING BRAINS.

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.

Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they did not they would be married too.

THERE ARE MEN WHO FEAR REPARTEE IN A WIFE MORE KEENLY THAN A SWORD.

THE FIXITY OF A HABIT IS GENERALLY IN DIRECT PROPORTION TO ITS ABSURDITY.

I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.

HOW LIKE HERRINGS AND ONIONS OUR VICES ARE IN THE MORNING AFTER WE HAVE COMMITTED THEM.

I ALWAYS ADVISE PEOPLE NEVER TO GIVE ADVICE.

NEVER TRY TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONESES. DRAG THEM DOWN TO YOUR LEVEL. IT’S CHEAPER.

You know how advice is. You only want it if it agrees with what you wanted to do anyway.

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

IN UNIVERSITY THEY DON’T TELL YOU THAT THE GREATER PART OF THE LAW IS LEARNING TO TOLERATE FOOLS.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

ALWAYS BORROW MONEY FROM A PESSIMIST. HE WON’T EXPECT IT BACK.

A fly, sir, may sting a stately horse, and make him wince; but one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still.

AS A SLEUTH YOU ARE POOR. YOU COULDN’T DETECT A BASS-DRUM IN A TELEPHONE-BOOTH.

NO ONE CAN HAVE A HIGHER OPINION OF HIM THAN I HAVE, AND I THINK HE’S A DIRTY LITTLE BEAST.