Humor e Ironia

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.

Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they did not they would be married too.

THERE ARE MEN WHO FEAR REPARTEE IN A WIFE MORE KEENLY THAN A SWORD.

THE FIXITY OF A HABIT IS GENERALLY IN DIRECT PROPORTION TO ITS ABSURDITY.

I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.

HOW LIKE HERRINGS AND ONIONS OUR VICES ARE IN THE MORNING AFTER WE HAVE COMMITTED THEM.

I ALWAYS ADVISE PEOPLE NEVER TO GIVE ADVICE.

NEVER TRY TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONESES. DRAG THEM DOWN TO YOUR LEVEL. IT’S CHEAPER.

You know how advice is. You only want it if it agrees with what you wanted to do anyway.

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

IN UNIVERSITY THEY DON’T TELL YOU THAT THE GREATER PART OF THE LAW IS LEARNING TO TOLERATE FOOLS.

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

ALWAYS BORROW MONEY FROM A PESSIMIST. HE WON’T EXPECT IT BACK.

AS A SLEUTH YOU ARE POOR. YOU COULDN’T DETECT A BASS-DRUM IN A TELEPHONE-BOOTH.

A fly, sir, may sting a stately horse, and make him wince; but one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still.

NO ONE CAN HAVE A HIGHER OPINION OF HIM THAN I HAVE, AND I THINK HE’S A DIRTY LITTLE BEAST.

You look wise. Pray correct that error.

The work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

THERE ARE TWO WAYS OF DISLIKING POETRY, ONE WAY IS TO DISLIKE IT, THE OTHER IS TO READ POPE.

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness.

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.