His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers.

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God’s mind—a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you’ve just made a down payment on a house.

Showing up is 80 percent of life.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow dishes for Chinese restaurants.