In California, they don’t throw their garbage away—they make it into TV shows.

You can live to be a 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a 100.

I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.

Show business is dog-eat-dog. It’s worse than dog-eat-dog, it’s-dog-doesn’t-return-other-dog’s-phone-calls.

That’s OK. We can walk to the kerb from here.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Some only gargle