I aught join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?

You are only as old as the woman you feel.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I’ve been looking for a girl like you—not you, but a girl like you.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.