Society and the World

I was once so poor I didn't know where my next husband was coming from.

I wouldn't trust a bank that would lend money to such a poor risk as me.

We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax.

When they fire a rocket at Cape Canaveral, I feel as if I own it.

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock.

(a) How much did you make last year? (b) How much have you got left? (c) Send (b).

Saving is a fine thing - especially when your parents have done it for you.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

I handed one of my creditors an IOU and thought thank heavens that's settled.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I had my credit card stolen, but I didn't report it because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Things could be much worse. I could be one of my creditors.

They don't put indicators on your car in Beverly Hills. They figure if you're that rich you don't have to tell no one where you're going.

Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean.

Wealth is any income that is at least 100 dollars a year more than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

I'm going to Iowa to collect an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to pick up an honour from the French government. I'd give it all up for one erection.

It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.

I never climbed any ladder: I have achieved eminence by sheer gravitation.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Success didn't spoil me; I've always been insufferable.