Humor e Ironia

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.

I started out with nothing and I've still got most of it left.

The secret to humor is surprise.

These are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.

Wit is educated insolence.

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.

Thanksgiving Day . Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys; they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

He suddenly became shy and developed a conceited grin—the grin of the village yokel whose cricket score is mentioned before a stranger.

[ J. Cheever Loophole, played by Groucho Marx, speaking :] I bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork.

Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

The Oklahoma Ligno and Lithograph Co Weeps at a nude by Michael Angelo.

 

It is the peculiarity of the bore that he is the last person to find himself out.

[ Remark after he was defeated in the presidentialelection :] A funny thing happened to me on theway to the White House.

 

Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste- souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.

There is no idea, no fact, which could not be vulgarized and presented in a ludicrous light.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

A delicate wit is a corruption which a nation takes a long time to acquire. It is only worn-out nations that possess it.

Every American bride is taken there [Niagara Falls], and the sight of the stupendous waterfall must be one of the earliest, if not the keenest, disappointments in American married life.

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

The difference between outlaws and in-laws is that outlaws don't promise to pay it back.

That which probably hears more stupidities than anything else in the world is a painting in a museum.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

This is one of the compliments that mediocrity pays to those who are not mediocre.