Humor e Ironia

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

No families take so little medicine as those of doctors, except those of apothecaries.

To obtain a man's opinion of you, make him mad.

In the end, everything is a gag.

Some who have read the book, or at any rate have reviewed it, have found it boring, absurd, or contemptible, and I have no cause to complain, since I have similar opinions of their works... J. R. R.

Man has made use of his intelligence, he invented stupidity.

A woman will buy anything she thinks the store is losing money on.

If there were no husbands, who would look after our mistresses?

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

Classical music is the kind we keep hoping will turn into a tune.

Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.

Wherever you go in the world, you just have to say you’re a Canadian and people laugh.

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke.

We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet.

I like half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve!

Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.

There is a general prejudice to the effect that lawyers are more honorable then politicians but less honorable than prostitutes. That is an exaggeration.

Well, I don't know as I want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire him to tell how to do what I want to do.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?

The wit of conversation consists more in finding it in others than in showing a great deal yourself.

Why doesn’t the fellow who says “I’m no speechmaker” let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?

The safest road to hell is the gradual one—the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.