Humor e Ironia

This is one of the compliments that mediocrity pays to those who are not mediocre.

It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally, even when you know what you're talking about.

What a satire, by the way, is that machine [Charles Babbage’s calculating machine] on the mere mathematician! A Frankenstein-monster, a thing without brains and without heart, too stupid to make a blunder; that turns out results like a corn-sheller, and never grows any wiser or better, though it grind a thousand bushels of them!

 

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Fun is like life insurance: The older you get, the more it costs.

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.

In the U.S. you have to be a deviant or exist in extreme boredom...Make no mistake all intellectuals are deviants in the U.S.

Why don’t you come up sometime, and see me?

A sentence begins quite simply, then it undulates and expands, parentheses intervene like quick-set hedges, the flowers of comparison bloom, and three fields off, like a wounded partridge, crouches the principal verb, making one wonder as one picks it up, poor little thing, whether after all it was worth such a tramp, so many guns, and such expensive dogs, and what, after all, is its relation to the main subject, potted so gaily half a page back, and proving finally to have been in the accusative case.

The trouble is that everyone talks about reforming others, and no one thinks about reforming himself.

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.

The wit we wish we had spoils the wit we have.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son.

I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.

An attachment à la Plato for a bashful young potato, or a not too French French bean!

Man has his will - but woman has her way.

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.

There’s a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

Follow a shadow, it still flies you; Seem to fly it, it will pursue: So court a mistress, she denies you; Let her alone, she will court you.

Recipe for a long life: Only smoke while awake. Only run when being chased.

A well known American writer said once that, while everybody talked about the weather, nobody seemed to do anything about it.

Il meglio, è l’inimico del bene .