Society and the World

Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean.

Wealth is any income that is at least 100 dollars a year more than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

I'm going to Iowa to collect an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to pick up an honour from the French government. I'd give it all up for one erection.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

I never climbed any ladder: I have achieved eminence by sheer gravitation.

It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.

Success didn't spoil me; I've always been insufferable.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

The sooner we get rid of losing, the happier everyone will be.

He was as successful as a celluloid dog chasing an asbestos cat through hell.

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.

So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work.

I haven't failed. I've just found ten thousand ways that don't work.

Nobody works as hard for their money as the person who marries it.

The only way to enjoy life is to work. Work is much more fun than fun.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

Working for Warner Bros is like fucking a porcupine - it's a hundred pricks against one.

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.

Set me anything to do as a task, and it is inconceivable the desire I have do something else.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Most people like hard work, particularly when they're paying for it.

I wish my son would learn a trade. At least we'd know what kind of work he's out of.

In the days when I went to work, I never once knew what I was doing. These days, I never work. Work does age one so.

They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money except by working for it.